UNIT 2 TASK 4: WRITING A FORMAL EMAIL

Dear Prof Brad,

I am posting this blog post as an introduction to you. My name is Wu Lok Tin, currently a student for Sustainable Infrastructure Engineering (Building Services) programme. I graduated from Temasek Polytechnic with a diploma in Integrated Facilities Management, which was where it sparked my interest in continuing my studies in this field of industry.

Initially I had difficulties in speaking to strangers, fearing of not knowing how to keep the conversation going. However after spending 4 months of my student internship programme in Walt Disney World as a cast member, where I was forced to speak to strangers every day as the job requires, speaking and expressing myself to strangers did not seem difficult after all. I have learnt that if I want to approach others, I must first be approachable.

On the other hand, because I was born and raised in a non-English speaking family, where communicating in complete correct English sentences were almost non-existent. Sometimes I have to translate the thoughts in my head into English, before speaking them. Therefore, till this day I am still finding ways to improve on my grammar for better communication.

I hope by the end of this module I am more fluent in my English language in both speaking and writing as these skills are essential in the workforce, especially where it is the common language used between people from diverse backgrounds here in Singapore. Another goal that I want to achieve is to exercise more patience in listening to others before making a comment. By doing so, I will be able to analyse the situation first to get an idea of the larger picture before causing confusion and even conflicts.  

Thank you for your time and I look forward to attend your class to learn how to communicate effectively.


Best regards,
Lok

Commented on:
Nicholas Tang
Shannyn
Zac

Comments

  1. UnknownSeptember 15, 2018 at 4:45 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  2. UnknownSeptember 17, 2018 at 6:59 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

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  3. UnknownSeptember 17, 2018 at 7:00 AM

    Dear Lok Tin,

    Thank you for this detailed letter. I like how you gave details about your experiences during internship and your weakness. Thus, you have done a good job in writing this letter but, it would be better if you could emphasise your strengths. Thank you and hope to see you in the next class.

    Regards,
    Nur Munirah

    ReplyDelete
  4. Nicholas TangSeptember 17, 2018 at 7:15 AM

    Dear Lok Tin,

    I find it enlightening when you wrote, "I have learnt that if I want to approach others, I must first be approachable."

    However there are some points that you might wish to review, like the following:
    "because I was born and raised in a non-English speaking family" instead of "from".

    Overall, I find that this was an interesting introduction of yourself, which allowed me to know more about you and your background.

    Best Regards,
    NICHOLAS TANG

    ReplyDelete
  5. UnknownSeptember 19, 2018 at 6:58 AM

    Dear Lok,

    Perhaps, you could change the sentence, "However after spending 4 months of my student internship programme in Walt Disney World ... I must first be approachable." to

    "Through my 4 months of student internship programme spent in Walt Disney World, I was constantly forced to speak out and express myself to strangers. And to my surprise, it was not as difficult as it seemed. I learnt that if I want to approach others, I must first be approachable."

    I think that it is really cool to be able to intern at Disney World and I look forward to learning together as a group!

    Sincerely,
    Shannyn

    ReplyDelete
  6. Brad BlackstoneSeptember 19, 2018 at 11:38 PM

    Dear Lok,

    Thank you for sharing this reflection with us. I appreciate how clear the central focus of your letter is how you need to refine your communication skills and have the passion to do that. However, as one commentator mentioned, you don't directly address your comm strength. I can infer that it is your outgoingness from the anecdote about how you speaking skills grew from your Disney World experience. I'd like to hear mopre about that.

    Like Nic, I also like your use of the sentence: I have learnt that if I want to approach others, I must first be approachable.

    In terms of language use, there are a few areas that you need to improve:

    1. sentence structure issues
    -- On the other hand, because I was born and raised in a non-English speaking family, where communicating in complete correct English sentences were almost non-existent. >>> (fragment/incomplete sentence) ?
    -- which was where it sparked my interest in ... >>> ? (what sparked your interest?)
    -- However after spending 4 months of my student internship programme in Walt Disney World as a cast member, where I was forced to speak to strangers every day as the job requires, speaking and expressing myself to strangers did not seem difficult after all. >>> (not concise)

    2. phrasing
    -- I am posting this blog post... >>> ?
    -- fearing of not knowing how to keep
    -- which was where it sparked my interest

    3. capitalization
    -- Integrated Facilities Management

    Those are minor issues. I look forward to helping you achieve your goals this term.

    Cheers,

    ReplyDelete
  7. UnknownSeptember 20, 2018 at 4:33 AM

    Dear Lok,

    Thank you for sharing! I believe it was tough working in an environment that you were not comfortable in. Nonetheless you came out stronger and more confident. Just some feedback, I feel that you should add in more about yourself and your hobbies. Other than that, it is a great letter! See you around in class!

    Regards
    Zaccheus

    ReplyDelete

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